Who Are Your Allies?
Who Are Your Allies?
This month let’s talk about allies.* First, according to Merriam-Webster.com, an ally “is one that is associated with another as a helper.”
Have you thought about who are your allies?* Do you have someone or someones who don’t judge you especially when you really mess up?* Do you have someone who cares enough to tell you the truth:even when it’s painful?* Hopefully, you can quickly come up with a few allies.* * 
Now, I want you to think of allies in a new and different way.* Who is the person you think of that seems to challenge you on every little thing?* Someone who rarely agrees and often judges and questions you to do different?* Who is the person that the hair on your neck rises as soon as they walk in the room?* Most of the time we don’t think of them as allies.* Rick Tamlyn, author and creator of “Play Your Bigger Game” says, “You might naturally think that everyone/everything that serves as one of your allies comes from a positive and benevolent position, but that’s not necessarily the case.”
After his equestrian accident, Christopher Reeve, wrote, Still Me.* In his book he describes how he felt he didn’t have anything to offer life and he had no purpose.* After considering his situation, believing that not only would he never walk again, but that he might never move a body part again, Reeve considered* suicide. * He mouthed to Dana, “Maybe we should let me go.” * She tearfully replied, “I am only going to say this once: * I will support whatever you want to do, because this is your life, and your decision. * But I want you to know that I’ll be with you for the long haul, no matter what. * You’re still you. * And I love you.” * Reeve never considered suicide as an option again.* Reeve continued to push stem cell research in the United States and other countries.* He used his name to focus on spinal cord injuries.
Michael J. Fox said in his book, Lucky Me, that he is a better man, a better husband, a better father because of his Parkinson’s disease.* I have met many people that talk about their hard time as a “blessing” and “I am better because of this.” * * Are they saying their “hard time” is an ally in their life?* I could go on and on with examples but I think you get the picture.* Gandhi said, “Be the change in the world that you want to see.”
How do you embrace all allies that come into your life?* Let’s talk about strategies on how to identify and embrace allies.
- Identify benevolent allies and write them down on a list. * How are they allies to you?* Use behavioral descriptions e.g. what you see and what you hear.
- Identify who considers you an ally and write them down on a list.* What are you saying/doing to be their ally?
- Consider situations where you are challenged emotionally, spiritually, and physically.* Can they be your allies to do more? * To be better? * What type of situation? * Examples include, but are not limited to:* Health?* Loss?* Separation?* Relocation?* Relationships?* Personal growth?
- Identify your resistors to situations and/or individuals?* Resisting can be identified as trying to prevent by action or words.* Examples include, but are not limited to:* Denial.* Ignoring.* Fighting against.* Avoiding.
- Once you’ve identified your resistors, identify what core values are being “pushed”.* When our “boundaries” get pushed, we sometimes identify this as dislike or resistance.
- Prepare yourself to be strong by realizing that our lives are not lived alone.* People come and go; situations come and go.* We are here to learn and grow.* Do not allow the negativity into your heart and body; it’s a choice.* Learn from the situations and vow to be or not to be.* Rick Tamlyn says it best.* Do you want, “No not that” or “What’s missing” or “More of that”.* Build who you are and who you want to be.* Allow no one to knock you down permanently.
Final note, these are not easy strategies.* Easy in concept; hard in action.* These strategies take strong personal accountability and humility.* I hope you are one that works toward being everything you can be starting with identifying allies of all kinds.
To learn more, please contact Learning Alliances at 217-935-0209.
References:
- * Reeve, Christopher (1998), p 32
- Jump up^* Crews, Chip.* Escape. Washington, May 3, 1998, accessed November 19, 2006